Letting it just BE

As the clock turned to 10:10 I realized I needed to get my butt out the door or else I was not going to get anything done today.  Before I headed to the gym, I wanted to add a couple of songs to my playlist.  I used my Happy Playlist the other day at the gym and had an epic workout, so needing some motivation, I wanted to get some fresh tunes.

I added back Let It Be because I’ve been needing some reminding of that! I scrolled through my songs to see if anything else jumped out at me. I added a few and went on my way.  It wasn’t until one of those random songs came up through my headphones that I received some real inspiration.

I had heard this song and been inspired years ago, but today it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Maybe its because I have been writing these blogs and have started looking at music differently.  Maybe its because I have been frustrated and anxious about some family crap. Maybe it was the sun shining and it’s just a beautiful day!

Obviously I am such a sap for meaningful music.  I used to be embarrassed about it.  When I owned a gym and used music in the background to lead workouts, I was afraid my clients would think I was a total corn dog! I’m glad that here, in this public blog, I can wear my heart on my sleeve.  Thanks for making this a safe space for me to share!

So, drumroll…here’s my newest song.  It might very well be THE most important kind of inspiring we all need.  I don’t think it got the recognition it deserves.

Live Like We’re Dying by Kris Allen

I was a little disappointed to find out that he didn’t actually write it.  I was hoping that it had a great story with it, but alas it is still inspiring in non-obvious ways and here’s why:

“Sometimes we fall down and can’t get back up.”

I feel like i fight this battle almost daily.  I re-live my fuck ups every moment.  It’s just a thought habit, like biting your nails–I don’t even think about it, it just happens.  I used to let them get the best of me–bringing me down, reviving those feelings of disappointment in myself, and let myself wallow in feelings of failure.  I kind of laugh thinking as I write this, about this self-imposed drama playing out.  It is seriously self-imposed TORTURE.  I have learned that we are what we think and we attract what we think, say, and feel, so I’m constantly working on gently monitoring my conscious thoughts (can’t do too much about subconscious ones).

“We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or to throw it all away.”

Yeah, I know this isn’t exactly rocket science and I’m sure you can get the obvious message from this.  Life is limited and we need to take advantage of every second.  But to me, that is scarcity.  Another thing I have learned this year is that abundance is a universal law.

Lack is learned.

So, I am inspired, but not in a gotta-do-it-while-you-have-the-chance mentality.  I am inspired by this because of the reminder that we have a choice.  We can choose to have a good day or a bad day.  The day is made up of thousands of seconds and each second is an opportunity: Opportunities to be nice or mean, to love or hate, to do something crazy or to fear failure.

Each second is a chance to start again.  So, if I screw up, I don’t need to beat myself up, I just need to move on.  I use a visualization that has helped me move forward and stop dredging up past “failures” (if you read my previous post on there are no mistakes this is a contradiction, but hey, I’m human and I’m still working on letting this shit go).

Here’s my visualization…

I imagine that I am in a canoe floating downstream.  When I start to feel anxious about something or think about something that I think I messed up, I see this as trying to go upstream, which we all know is hard and pointless, so in my visualization I take the oars out of the water and let my canoe float downstream with the faith that G-d is guiding my canoe.

I’ll be honest, it has taken time for me to feel okay with this.  To my surprise, I started to feel panicky the first couple of times I did this, because I started to feel out of control, letting the river just guide me.  WOW!  That was a freaking HUGE wake-up call.  Like, I really AM a control freak!!!

Practice helps.  Let it be…  Take each second and make it count…   Be easy on yourself….   Go with the flow…  everything always works out…G-d is on my side…

 

 

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