I know I have been MIA. It’s not that I haven’t been thinking of you. I have so many thoughts to share, but it’s me. I have some hang ups and they are preventing me from being able to share openly. Even though this is my blog and I should be able to say whatever the hell I want, I still feel like I can’t. How fucked up is that?????
The main reason is a fear of rejection–that people reading will be uninterested, or not like what i have to share on some level. Or maybe I won’t be completely literate–my writing might convey the moron in me, or it just might not convey the message I really want to. That happens–a lot! Even though I think I’m a pretty good writer, sometimes I feel like I don’t quite get the words right. Or, maybe readers will take my message the wrong way. Worst of all, someone will send me mean messages (being bullied as a kid this really pushes my buttons).
So the only thing I can do is a) not write, which is kind of slowly torturing me; or b) write and not give a RIP, which scares the shit out of me.
Why do I care what you think??? I actually think this is one of the biggest issues most of us face today. How many of you or people you know actually really don’t give a crap what anyone thinks about them? Maybe Donald Trump? LOL I think that is actually what people like about him, which says something, whether you like him or not.
What is so important about other people’s opinions? Does my worthiness come from my popularity? That’s what I was taught, sadly enough, but the answer is emphatically NO. It’s scary, and therefore difficult to pull away from popular opinion (about me or about anything for that matter), but I am doing it. I’m gonna put myself out here, raw, naked, authentically.
Ever since I was very young, I have felt a strong feeling of being special. I felt like I had to prove my worth by becoming famous or getting awards, or having some claim to fame. Unfortunately I’m not particularly talented or smart, and these achievements were not validating my value in the world, so yeah, I’ve had issues with the worthiness of my life. Writing it here sounds pathetic, but I realize that I’m not the only one.
What I’ve come to realize is that most of us feel this way. We all had visions of grandeur and most of us have not realized those visions as we thought we would. BUT (and its a big but), that doesn’t mean we failed. It doesn’t mean that we missed our opportunities for greatness, or that we are less worthy of an AMAZING life. Life isn’t about arriving. It is about constantly moving forward on a never ending journey, pushing our evolving persona every day. It’s not about proving something. It’s not about proving our worth in the world. That is a given. It’s about finding our voice and sharing it. We all have something unique to share, so here is mine.
I hope you are inspired by my blog posts. My ambition is to share about things and experiences that inspire readers to live more authentically and find/keep a healthy body and mind. I love essential oils, so I will share about that. I hope you will comment on my posts in a positive way, sharing your own experiences so others can be inspired by you too.
As an exercise in consistency I am going to post affirmations of gratitude and worthiness every day for a week. My original idea was to do it for a year, but I gotta start somewhere! 🙂 See my next post for day 1.
Make your day the best ever!